The Soul of a Woman

February 17, 2011 | By | 3 Comments

Watson has lots in common with a top-ranked human Jeopardy! player: It’s very smart, very fast, speaks in an uneven monotone, and has never known the touch of a woman. -Ken Jennings (ht: Ben S.)

People always say that women are hard to figure out. I even touched on it in this post. While this may be true for your average lay person, I’ve examined all the data, and, after hours of contemplation, have discovered the secret ingredient to understanding women. In this post I share my knowledge.

We need to start our analysis by taking a look at what women like. From here, we must determine why they like what they do. If we can do this accurately, we will have come a long way in our journey to understanding over one half of the human race.

#1) Women LOVE “Anne of Green Gables”. It’s a verifiable fact. They remember everything about the show in the most intimate details.

Here is what I remember:

a) Some dude bakes a pound cake for like a bake sale or craft fair or something
b) Someone gives a speech that gets a standing ovation.
c) The boys had funny and overly proper names like Frederick or something like that.
d) There is a lot of green grass.

That’s it. However, ask any girl in her late 20’s to early 30’s about it and she could probably tell you Anne’s favorite toothpaste flavor, how she likes her eggs and her second cousin’s middle name. Obviously, something deeper is going on here.

#2) Women in their late 20’s to early 30’s LOVE “Little House on the Prairie”.  They just do. They even like to reenact the opening scene by tumbling down rolling hills. But why? Knowing the answer would be like getting a key to Fort Knox.

This brings me to my next, and perhaps less obvious observation.

#3) Women in their late 20’s to early 30’s LOVE horses! How do I know this? Let me let you in on a little secret. About 5 years ago, I tried eHarmony. Every single girl I got paired up with was standing next to a horse in her profile picture. Now, I’m no statistician, but this by no means a random occurrence. I don’t recall saying anything about having a love for farm animals in the questionaire. As a matter of fact, I did a google image search for “the soul of a woman” and counted 9 pictures of horses before getting to the “show more results” button. That’s just crazy.

My conclusion: Girls love Anne of Green Gables, Little House on the Prairie and horses (I’m not sure what order).  You might be saying to yourself “uh, Mark, no duh?” Get ready, though, because I am about to pull the rug right out from underneath you. There is a theme that runs through each of these phenomena. What is it, you ask? The common denominator here is open meadows.

But why do girls love open meadows? I’m still working on that one. I don’t have the answer just yet. But when I do, I’m pretty sure I’ll have it all figured out.

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  1. Tiffany says:

    Mark, Mark, Mark. You’re talking about “Anne of Green Gables” and “Little House on the Prairie” as if they are TV shows. Shows! Gah! You’ve got a lot to learn, my friend. The really awesome girls are the ones who love those book series…es. THEN you know you’ve got a keeper.

    And the horse thing? I don’t get it, either. You’d think those eHarmony girls would be afraid of being known as “the horse girl.”

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