Why Football is like The Bachelor
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life… don’t be a sports fan. It’s a losing proposition. Take football for example. There are 32 teams in the NFL. Of those teams, do you know how many win each year? One. Yes, that is all. So, you have a 1 out of 32 chance of ending the year happy. That is a little over 3%. Perversely, the better your team does, the more it will hurt if they lose in later rounds. To top it off, the joy you get from winning is a lot less than the pain from losing. Even if you do win, the feelings of happiness won’t last long. Like Heath Bar (trademark symbol) ice cream, you will soon want more.
The closest thing I can compare this to is being on The Bachelor(ette). It’s just a bad, bad idea. Again, your odds of losing are greater than your odds of winning. Much, much greater. You have a greater chance of falling in love with the girl, getting the boot and then watching her make out with dozens of other guys. Does that sound like fun to you? To me, the answer is no. Probably not. Even if you do “win”, the relationship likely won’t last long. Finally, think of where that girl’s mouth has been. You’re not just kissing her, you’re kissing 2/3rds of the other contestants. The exception is if she uses a powerful mouthwash, which is a good idea regardless of the situation. Be sure to check the labels in these situations. Maybe even pick up a Consumer Report.
Still, I am happy for the Packers fans. This year, they are in the 3% that gets to be happy for a little while. Because I cannot personally be happy, I will be happy for them. To celebrate, I will pour this bottle of orange Gatorade over my head. I’m also going to get some mouthwash for my future wife. Just in case.
Hahaha! This made me laugh…and want Heath Bar ice cream VERY badly. Thanks a lot!