Waves of Mercy

Ever notice how much fun a kid can have with a stick? Our backyard didn’t consist of rocks, trees, and dirt. There were villages back there, and epic battles, and spaceships too. The backdoor was a gateway to a land of fantasy, magic and adventure. Not even my mother’s macaroni and cheese could rip me away from the action.

It always took about an hour to get home from visiting our grandparents. I remember sleepily looking out at the stars on the ride home thinking about how big the world was and dreaming about what the future would be like.

I don’t see the ocean in the same way anymore. I think of the water as being frigid and usually don’t even want to get my feet wet because I don’t want to track sand into the car. A stick is no longer a sword. It’s just a piece of wood. I don’t have much to say about the stars, because I don’t really notice them anymore. All those girls I dreamed I would marry found dreamy guys of their own.

I prayed for about 6 months straight every night when I was a kid to be able to go to a Red Sox game. Now, when I go to Fenway, I hope the game goes by fast. I think about how tired I will be the next morning and worry about fighting traffic.

I wonder what happened to my wonder?

Maybe that is what happens to everybody when you get old. Maybe it was a byproduct of years of stress and disappointment. Maybe it’s because everything can be explained away by science these days – the human body, rainbows, the weather (well, I guess they’re still working on that one). There is an explanation for everything. Our society has taken much of the curiosity out of sex. It seems like nothing is a mystery anymore.

I hate the fact that God is so unpredictable, but I appreciate it at the same time. After all these years, I still can’t figure Him out. The Trinity will always be something of a mystery. Communion still brings a sense of something sacred happening. I still can’t wrap my mind around the idea that God had no beginning. I still wonder how and why He loves me. Nothing can explain Him, He still catches me off guard and He is difficult to predict.

I went to the beach today and watched my friend run and dive right into the water with no fear and enjoy his heart full of life. I remembered the little guy I used to be who would charge right ahead in a similar fashion. That guy was buried somewhere under the cares of life. After a lot of pleading, my friend succeeded in dragging me into water. Little did he know that he was also dusting off my heart. It was high tide and I splashed and bathed in the waves of God’s mercy and grace. I looked up at the shapes of the clouds and saw the sun shining through. I remembered what it was like to enjoy the moment with a sense of careless wonder.

Once in awhile, a sunset catches me surprise. Every now and then, I see the stars and start to dream. Sometimes, I look at the ocean and think about how deep it is and how long it stretches. I pick up a snowball and think of battles gone by. I can’t help but grin. I still remember Griffey hitting that home run over the green monster. These are times when the wonder of God’s beauty interrupts the grind of life.

My favorite songwriter summarizes my thoughts well: I want to open up my eyes and see a more beautiful world. Let the hand of God Almighty sweep his colors through my life… I want to hold tight to the laughter and ride it like a child, on the winds that billow joyful through the sky… I want to stand my ground unshaken… I want to tremble when I rise…  And let my song remain unbroken through the tears… Let me sing… Lord, let me sing.

Lord God, sweep your colors through my life and give me a heart that trembles as I reflect upon your glory.