Ramblings

HEY HEY HEY!!! Thanks for visiting!!! I made this page in high school and have added some things to it over the years. I hope you like it, but if you don’t then I won’t hold it against you. But then again, if you really don’t like it, maybe I will hold it against you. I guess it’s one of those things that you really can’t be too sure of.

Before we begin, word to your mother. I’m chillin like a villain, maxing like I’m Michael Jackson and living like it’s thanksgiving. I learned all of the above phrases from the Vanilla Ice VH-1 Behind The Music special.

Anyways… here are some of my most personal thoughts:

I saw a gal from my school the other day. She thought my name was Adam. This got me to thinking that she doesn’t know me from Adam.

We’ve all heard that even a broken clock is right twice a day.  Well, I’m here to tell you that all vacuum cleaners suck in one way or another.

I have to think that Kashi Cereal looks the same on the way out as it does on the way in. Their slogan could be: looks like poop, tastes like poop, looks like poop again.

I used to workout at irregular hours at this gym that often played Michael Jackson. I’d be sitting there by myself doing back extensions as he sang “you are not alone, I am here with you.” I’m not gonna lie, it was pretty creepy.

I don’t understand the fascination with stars – they’re out almost every night, they look the same, and they’re all over the place. How come you never see a bunch of people huddled together to look at a rock, or tree, or pile of sand. What am I missing here?

Speaking of that, what is the fascination with flowers and candles… you can’t do anything with them, you have to take care of them often, and all they do is smell nice. How come a girl wouldn’t be as happy if I bought her a bar of soap or some potpourri?

I’m against animal abuse, but I think it’s okay to beat a dead horse. After all, the horse is already dead.

I never know how long to wait for someone in order to keep the door open. I’ll never forget the time in college I was stepping into a classroom with a swinging door. The gal behind me had snuck up closer than I realized and when I went to push the door open… well, whoops.

Has anyone else noticed that the oldest man in the world keep dying? I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.

Sometimes, when life gets really bad, I think about how lint must feel to be jammed up inside someone’s belly button for hours, days or even years and how bad it must smell when it comes out – if it ever, indeed, does come out. It usually doesn’t make me feel any better. Last time I checked, lint doesn’t have feelings. It’s kind of a non-issue.

Many of the kindest words ever spoken to me were by people who were hammered. What they had to say was really nice.

Is there anything more awkward than contestants dancing together after a game show?

When I was in high school there was a new beverage titled “OK Soda”. Their motto was “Because everything is gonna be OK”. They went out of business after a few months.

I saw a sign today that said “Door is alarmed!” Gosh, I sure hope it settles down and all. I mean, we all get anxious about things sometimes, let’s just hope that door gets back to normal soon.

My Little Pony isn’t so little anymore.  She’s all grown up!

Is the book “Little Women” about midgets? Some people don’t like midgets. Other people don’t like clowns. How about clowns who are midgets? Is that what “Little Women” is about?

They should change the name of the show. Rather than “Larry King Live”, how about “Larry King is Alive?”

The first Monday of every month is Pizza Night at Planet Fitness. Finally a gym that “gets it!”

I was a pretty smart kid, but even after all those “A’s”, I couldn’t tell if I was on a roll or honor roll. Either way, I was a roll model.

They ask me what the greatest advancement since I’ve been alive. Some might say the Internet or cell phones or email. Text messaging, Facebook and the young but voraciously growing Twitter make fine selections as well. I, however, choose the rise of the pomegranate. I never remember hearing anything about the thing when I was a kid. Now, its anti-oxidizing free-radical blasting blah blah blah is all over the news and in stuff like air fresheners, ice cream and cranberry juice. What is the world coming to, you ask? I simply say: “Pomegranates”.

We are only a few years away from the world Steven Spielberg predicted in Back to the Future 2. In other words, where is my hovercraft?

I saw a bumper sticker that said, “Join the dark side. We have cookies.” I have to admit that I was pretty tempted.

I saw another sign that said, “Keep New Hampshire beautiful”. I complied and decided to spend some time there.

I often think about how God gives us gifts for the benefit of others. I am so glad that my looks have been such a rich blessing in your life.

I recently learned from Dunkin’ Donuts lady that their doughnuts are now healthy because a few months ago they removed the trans fat. Hmm…….

If I were stranded on a deserted island and could only take one thing, I would take myself. If I couldn’t take myself, how could get to the island?

I’m not very good at directions, so I tried using “yahoo maps” once. So, I was driving along and it said that “MacArthur Highway” becomes “MacArthur Highway”. I thought to myself, exactly when does this happen?

When Kermit sang that song asking “Why are there so many songs about rainbows?” Do you think he was right? Are there really that many songs about rainbows?

It’s 5:51 in the morning.  Don’t ever tell me I didn’t give you the time of day.

Is there anything more over the top than cotton commercials? The fabric of our… lives?

The real question is, when you turn your car on, does it return the favor?

I was just trying to save some stuff and the computer said: “save failed, outstanding requests”. I mean, I know my page is good, but I wouldn’t say outstanding.

Went to the transfer station today. Kept thinking to myself, “this place is a dump”.

Sunshine, on my shoulders, makes me happy.

I wonder if Slim Shady’s Twitter account is verified.

I got stopped by security at the gym this morning when they considered my biceps weapons of mass destruction.

NKOTB’s comeback makes me feel like a 12 year-old girl all over again.

Something I’ve always wanted to know is who decides when Easter is going to be? One year it’s late in the third week in March, the next year it’s late in April. What’s with these guys… can’t they just pick a month and stick with it? And just how do you get on this schedule committee? Can I sign up?

It’s New Years now and ABC dropped the ball again…

I saw a younger guy named Chris in the kitchen at work today about to use the microwave. I called out to him “Warm it up Chris!” I don’t think he caught the reference.

God bless the broken road that led me straight to Dairy Queen.

If I thank you for your thank you, will you thank me for thanking you for thanking me?

If it were up to me, I’d have the trees shed their leaves in the spring rather than fall. They look so cold and naked and exposed out there just as the weather turns cold. The leaves would help them keep warm. I care more about trees than cats. I love trees. They make me happy. Pistachios make me happy too, but not as happy as trees.

Seems like everyone thinks they can win any argument these days by using the word “really”. Really? (See what I did just there?)

Paul Pierce just said that he considers himself one of the better shooters in NBA history. Who does he think he is? Antoine Walker?

I don’t like those 12 oz drinks that say one and a half servings per container. I mean..who is gonna have 8 oz of Coke and then put it back in the fridge. Well I guess some people might, hey, maybe it isn’t such a bad idea after all.

But then again, I was looking on the back of a Parmesan cheese and it said there were 91 servings. 91!! Come on now, that is just ridiculous.

Speaking of food, what’s up with the maple syrup that says on the label, “contains 4% real maple syrup”… or the fruit drinks that say “contains 10% real fruit juice”. Is this suppose to make us want to buy these things?

Cocoa PuffsAfter the rain comes the rainbow. After the cocoa puffs comes the chocolate milk.

I haven’t seen Waldo in years. Maybe he ran off with Carmen Sandiego?  If they were to elope, what name changes would occur? Carmen Waldo? Waldo Sandiego?

Whatever happened to those boys from Germany who started that chain letter that went around the world 6 times? I’m hoping nothing good.

Have you ever noticed that whenever it snows… they interview some policeman on television who is an “expert” and he always says – “If possible stay off the roads… if you have to drive, drive very slowly.” Aren’t people smart enough to figure that out on their own and how many times must we hear the same interview?!?

I always knew MySpace was headed for spam when everyone used to write “thanks for the ad” on each other’s page.

I was in Barnes & Noble today and saw a section described as “Thought Provoking”. It was a table that had about six books on Vampires. I scratched my head for five minutes as I tried to figure out what it was about Vampires that was so thought-provoking. It was at this point that I realized that B&N had achieved their goals. Their selections really got me thinking.

Never underestimate the energy sucking power of intestinal parasites.

What better way to tell Hallmark you enjoy their movies than by sending them a Hallmark card?

I wonder if there are any Friendly’s restaurants on Pleasant Street. I bet that would be a really nice place to live.

I think the expression, “happy as a clam” needs to go.  Clams seem lonely – especially the ones that don’t open up.

I refuse to play games such as Pictionary where you are forced to draw things and hate games with buzzers or pieces that pop out at you if you don’t finish in time (I have enough stress in my life). Hourglass timers are slightly more acceptable because they don’t make any noises.

Who is Al Dente and why doesn’t his pasta take as long to cook as everyone else’s does? Is he related to Al Nino?

I would like to buy a vowel, phone a friend AND take the physical challenge.

I also just found out that the Bangals used to be called the Go-Go’s. I like that name – Go-Go’s.

When I would ask my 9th grade history teacher what my history grade was, he would always say “freshman”…I never knew what the heck he was talking about until I had him again in 12th grade and he said my grade was “senior”. Then I finally figured it out. I’m a pretty smart guy you know.

Seriously, don’t you like that name – Go-Go’s.

A Facebook friend of mine recently added an application that says “We’re Related”. At first glance I thought it read “We’re Retarded”. I thought to myself, “that isn’t very nice!” I could see something saying “We’re Stupid” or “We’re Dummies”, but not “We’re Retarded”.

Speaking of Facebook, I’m going to make a fan page for fans. Cooling… ceiling… industrial strength… pretty much anything goes.

Yesterday feels like it was just yesterday.

Many arguments these days are settled with the word “really”. Really? It is what it is.

I recently asked someone if nice guys really do finish last. She replied, “No, it just takes them longer than everybody else”. Hmm…..

If I ever have two kids, I’m going to name them each “Go”.

I always used to believe Ed McMahon and I would call my dad at work to tell him that we may have already won 10 million dollars.

I forgot I was listening to a voicemail this morning when I told my long-winded friend on the phone that I had to go.

This nose, ear & brow trimmer is AMAZING! I wish you all could see how nice my eyebrows look right now! And the ear hair? TOTALLY GONE!

My childhood Hollywood crushes include Punky Brewster, and Olivia Newton-John (Sandy from Grease). I still haven’t fully recovered from Olivia. I never liked the Olson twins and I still think they’re punks.

That reminds me, the only two movies I’ve ever cried during are “My Girl” and “Grease 2”. I cried during My Girl because I thought it was real sad and I cried during “Grease 2” because I missed Olivia.

I am left-handed at basketball, soccer, boxing and playing the guitar. I throw and write with my right (write) hand. I am right-handed at tennis and type with both hands.

That guy Anonymous sure wrote a lot of powerful stuff. You have to give him credit.

“I’m going to rip your teeth out and make a necklace out of them to choke you with” – I remember when you used to say things like that all the time in your sleep. One time, you even sat straight up in bed, opened your eyes up wide, pointed straight at me said “YOU!”. You always went back to sleep and slept pretty good afterward.

Okay.  That is more than enough about that.  Before we close, here are some final comments:

This page has been dedicated to the intensity and heart of basketball’s greatest worst player: Kurt Rambis.

“A lot of guys have idols. Mine is Kurt Rambis. I want to be like Kurt. He is the ultimate role player who knows his role”- Jack Haley, 10/93

See what large letters I am writing to you with my own hand!

As for the other events of Mark’s reign, and all that he did, are they not written in the book of the annals of the kings of Judah? (Little seminary humor for ya.)

Thank you. I’ll be here all night (and all morning and anytime you turn your computer on).

Please don’t print this line unless you really need to.
(An omer is one tenth of an ephah.)