Spreading the Christmas Cheer
Editor’s Note: I was being a little sarcastic and a tad obnoxious, but some of it is pretty funny, so I put this conversation on here. Once again, names have been changed for privacy protection.
Dudeguy: Mark Lamberti, dare I say, En Fuego
Krambis1: i know, i need water
Dudeguy: what should i get people for the BIG HOLIDAY that is fast approaching
Krambis1: what big holiday?
Dudeguy: the big holiday
Krambis1: there is a big holiday?
Dudeguy: yeah, this month
Krambis1: no kidding
Dudeguy: yeah, and i don’t know what i am buying anyone
Krambis1: you’re buying someone?
Dudeguy: i am buying people gifts
Krambis1: you’re buying gifts of people?
Dudeguy: gifts for people
Krambis1: let me get this straight, you’re buying gifts of people for people?
Dudeguy: no, i don’t know what i am buying anyone
Krambis1: what don’t you know, you’re going to buy anyone?
Dudeguy: i am not going to buy a people, i am going to buy for people
Krambis1: you’re going to buy four people?
Dudeguy: no, i am going to buy gifts for people
Krambis1: so let me get this straight, you’re going by gifts for people?
Dudeguy: yes, i am buying gifts for people
Krambis1: if you’re going buying gifts, why don’t you stop and pick them up?
Krambis1: unless they are too heavy
Krambis1: are there package deals?
Krambis1: do you wrap the people, they might suffocate you know
Dudeguy: i have no clue what i am going to buy for anyone
Krambis1: so you’re buying something for anyone?
Krambis1: who is anyone?
Dudeguy: all of my friends are getting something, and so is my family
Krambis1: oh, so i guess this is something for anyone
Krambis1: that is entirely too vague
Dudeguy: how hard are you laughing?
Krambis1: i am not laughing, i am confused
Krambis1: you might run out of money after buying anyone something
Dudeguy: yeah, so what do you want?
Krambis1: are suggesting that i’m a cannibal?
Dudeguy: i am not buying people, i am buying gifts for people
Krambis1: and what are these gifts?
Dudeguy: it all depends on what the people I am buying for want
Krambis1: sounds like you have a problem
Dudeguy: i don’t know what anyone wants
Krambis1: oh dear, now we’re back to anyone
Dudeguy: i don’t know what my friends and family want for gifts
Krambis1: i thought you were buying something for anyone
Dudeguy: ok, can we move on to the next girl that i have my eye on?
Krambis1: you want to buy anyone a girl?
Dudeguy: i’ll go buy *censored* for you, how’s that?
Krambis1: so i am anyone?
Krambis1: whitney houston is every women, but is this anyone a woman
Dudeguy: you are someone
Krambis1: if it is that it must be whitney
Dudeguy: shut up Mark, i am too tired to have u acting like this
Krambis1: wait wait, you’re buying someone for anyone, therefore i am someone
Krambis1: so are you calling me a woman?
His major contribution to the world was not a set of aphorisms. He was born in a turdy barn, grew up in a dirty world, got baptized in a muddy river. He put his hands on the oozing wounds of lepers, he let whores brush his hair and soldiers pull it out. He went to dinner with dirtbags, both religious and irreligious. His closest friends were a collection of crude fishermen and cultural traitors. He felt the spittle of the Pharisees on his face and the metal hooks of the jailer’s whip in the flesh of his back. He got sweaty and dirty and bloody – and he took all of the sin and mess of the world onto himself, onto the cross to which he was nailed naked.