Getting along with Andrew

Editors Note: Andrew is in Poland.
(Sub-Editors note: If you wonder why we get along so well, see editor’s note.)

We know when to be serious:

me: are you serious?
Andrew: ooops, about what?
me: in general
Andrew: oh, i’m serious man! i mean it, you better believe it!
me: seriously?

We transcend time zones:

Andrew: what time is it there?
me: 9:00 in the am
Andrew: ahhh, you are 7 hours back.
Andrew: I AM IN THE FUTURE!!!!
Andrew: THE FUTURE!!!!
me: HOLY SMOKES!!!!
Andrew: isn’t that cool???
me: he is sending me messages from another time!!!!!
Andrew: i will be going back to the past!
me: back to the past part I!

We are tricky and associate with tricky people:

me: i think mark is a good name for a horse! what did roger say on the phone?
me: i’m in stealth mode!
me: sneaky, eh?
Andrew: he didn’t answer
Andrew: that sneaky sneak.
me: that sneaky sneaking sneakster!

We know how to confront each other:

Andrew: I’M GOINT TO MURDER YOU!!!!
Andrew: I’M BACK AT SCHOOL
me: uh-oh
Andrew: AND I CAN’T CALL!!!!
me: don’t do it!
Andrew: I WENT ALL THE WAY HOME TO MAKE PHONE CALL
me: (waiving white flag)
me: uh-oh
Andrew: AND YHOU DIDN’T ANSWER!!!!
me: um…………

We work out together:

Andrew: i can’t seem to cancel my membership at Planet Fitness, so i’ll have a membership when i get back.
Andrew: i tried to cancel once and wasn’t able to
Andrew: i couldn’t do it over the phone
Andrew: those jerks!
Andrew: they don’t have an on-line cancellation option.
Andrew: they’re shady.
me: them and their freaking black card
me: who cares about status? buy the black card
Andrew: yeah, i’ll tell them what do with their black card.
Andrew: haha!
Andrew: yeah!
me: give them a black-out!
me: yeah!
Andrew: or a black eye!
Andrew: yeah!
me: we’re going to black-ball them

We know how to make up:

Andrew: you’ll have to give me a taco.
Andrew: to compensate.
me: i’ll give you two!
Andrew: extra hot sauce. 🙂
me: with guacamole and sour cream
Andrew: oooh, now you’re talking!
Andrew: is TEXAS big enough for ME???
me: everything is bigger in texas!
Andrew: will i be bigger in TX?
me: if you eat lots of tacos

We know how to be concise:

It would be superfluous to say more on the subject, which I leave to your own consideration; but I cannot let slip this opportunity of declaring that I am, with the most inviolable esteem and attachment, dear Sir, your affectionate, obliged, humble servant.

We talk about sports:

Andrew: romania just scored…
Andrew: 1-0
Andrew: don’t be too bummed!
Andrew: it’s ok…
Andrew: oh my!!!!
Andrew: Italy just scored!@!!!
me: i honestly could care less

We talk about girls:

me: girls like jerks, don’t they?
Andrew: girls are a stinker, one and all.
me: they get my blood boiling!
Andrew: they get me hot under the collar!
me: haha, good one!
Andrew: right back at ya!
Andrew: you couldn’t have said it better, Chief!
Andrew: you’re really on fire today, Chief! keep it up, Chief!
me: APACHE
Andrew: APacheeeee
me: ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

We look for jobs together:

Andrew: “shipping-related jobs”
Andrew: bills of lading.
Andrew: FOB
Andrew: that’s “free on board,” to the lay person.

We quote movies:

me: shocks… spokes… LUCKY!
Andrew: that time machine’s a piece of crap!
Andrew: (groan) i could’ve told you that…
me: are you having a killer time?
me: tina… come get your food you fat lard
Andrew: yeaaasssss
Andrew: do the chickens have talons?
me: i could catch you a delicous bass
me: i’m going to tell her you’re ruining our lives and eating all our steak
Andrew: oh, i was going to write that one!
Andrew: “can i borrow you guyses phone?
Andrew: but my lips really hurt!
me: a liger… it’s pretty much a cross between a lion and a tiger
Andrew: just tell them that all their wildest dreams will come true if they vote for you
me: haha!
Andrew: we need some more holy santos in the hallway for protection
me: nice!
Andrew: is she hot?
me: yes
Andrew: i was feeling really hot…then i realized that it was my hair that was making me hot, so i shaved it all off.

We talk about health concerns:

me: hey mister, they found a problem with me
Andrew: haha!
Andrew: what?? just one problem? i’ve been finding problems for years!!!
me: intestinal parasites
Andrew: what???????????????????????????????????????????????????
Andrew: how’d you get those?
me: no idea
Andrew: public crappers!!!!
Andrew: deadly….

We miss each other and have great plans for being reunited:

me: i wish you were here
me: ruling the roost with me
Andrew: brad says that i have the same luck with foreign women abroad as i have at home….
me: we could watch football all day long and eat chinese food
Andrew: mee too, buddy. we could have our own dictarship!
Andrew: like Fidel Castro and Che Guevara!
me: we would rule the world!
Andrew: we would rule the Chinese world!
me: Andrew the Great and Mark the Greator
Andrew: hahahahah!!!!
me: our kingdom would bring egg rolls to all!
Andrew: civilization by chopsticks!
me: without discrimination (unless we don’t like somebody)
Andrew: fortune cookies!
me: yes!!!!!!!!!
Andrew: well, if we don’t like them, we’ll give them cold lo mein.
me: here is what my fortune will say: you will feel sick soon as your food digests
Andrew: and NO doggie bag!
me: the cold le mein!
me: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Andrew: it’s the worst!
Andrew: hah!
me: that would show them…Roger!

me: the only doggie they’re getting is dogs we don’t like
Andrew: he’s getting a bad fortune cookie!
me: Roger, Roger!
me: NO SOUP FOR YOU!
Andrew: ha! that’s right…no duck sauce either!
Andrew: isn’t that the worst???
Andrew: nice chinese and no duck sauce???
Andrew: killer…
me: that’s brutal
Andrew: kill those parasites!
Andrew: death to the parasites, peace to you.
me: KILL KILL KILL!
me: yes!
me: roger roger
Andrew: over and out