The whores all seem to love Him And the drunks propose a toast And they say, “Surely God is with us. Well, surely God is with us.” They say, “Surely God is with us today!” – Rich Mullins I have to wonder what his initial reaction was early that resurrection […]
Over a year ago, I left my finance job to move to Texas. I needed adventure. I needed a break. I needed some change. The day after my last day, Lehman Brothers collapsed and took the industry with it. I haven’t had a job since. After running out of money, I […]
I remember what it was like to dance before having self-awareness. You could get lost in the music and let it move you however you desired. You didn’t have to worry about what you looked like or how you came across or what others might think of your moves. You […]
I had to wonder what that guy in church today was thinking. He looked to be in his mid-30’s. His longish hair was feathered and spiked at the top. He was wearing dark jeans and sneakers. No belt. His multi-colored striped shirt didn’t match itself, nevermind anything else. A sports […]
There are some good things about bad things – this is often the case. I recall speaking with a friend of mine who went to graduate school in Dallas. She hated it there. Still, as I spoke with her more, she had to admit that a certain fondness for the […]
By the time you get this issue of Release and read (if you do read) this little essay of mine, I will have celebrated my fortieth birthday. In my mid- to late-twenties, I had some romantic, highly exaggerated notions about an early death – taking off at thirty-three – joining […]
Remember that Subway commercial where Reggie Bush tells the kid to stay hungry and eat the sandwich? Well, I ate the sandwich and I am no longer hungry. I am that dog that has lived through one too many thunderstorms and has decided to lie down save for trips to […]
Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. – C.S. […]
I’ve decided to change it up a bit this Monday and include the below video along with this series of posts about an affair. “Return to me,” declares the LORD Almighty, “and I will return to you.” – Zechariah 1:3 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken […]
My first awareness of change within me came as I began to reflect on how I performed the mundane responsibilities from which I felt so alienated. Though I was not completely alive to them, I was able at least to think about them, if only from a distance. I was struck by how wonderfully ordinary life is. Simply being alive became holy to me. As I saw myself typing exams, chatting with a student on the way to class, or tucking one of my children into bed, I sensed I was beholding something sacred. My encounters with students presented astonishing opportunities to listen and encourage. Bedtime with Catherine, David, and John allowed me to convey the blessing and love of God to them. I was not yet fully alive to these ordinary moments, but I began to glimpse how profound they were.
In other words, though I experienced death, I also experienced life in ways that I never thought possible before – not after the darkness, as we might suppose, but in the darkness. I did not go through pain and come out the other side; instead, I lived in it and found within that pain the grace to survive and eventually grow. I did not get over the loss of my loved ones; rather, I absorbed the loss into my life, like soil receives decaying matter, until it became a part of who I am. Sorrow took up permanent residence in my soul and enlarged it. I learned gradually that the deeper we plunge into suffering, the deeper we can enter a new, and different, life – a life no worse than before and sometimes better. A willingness to face the loss and to enter into the darkness is the first step we must take. Like all first steps, it is probably the most difficult and takes the most time.
– Gerald L. Sittser, loser of his mother, wife and daughter in a car accident with a drunken driven. Taken from his book: A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss.
