Author Archive: Mark

August 17, 1997 | By Mark | Add a Comment

You can go a long way with a smile; you can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun. – Al Capone

August 17, 1997 | By Mark | Add a Comment

Last year for Christmas, I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I thought I’d put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

August 17, 1997 | By Mark | Add a Comment

Time is fun when you’re having flies. – Kermit the Frog

Working the System

August 17, 1997 | By Mark | Add a Comment

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said ‘help wanted’. There was another sign below it that said ‘self service’. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

August 17, 1997 | By Mark | Add a Comment

I got a dog and named him ‘Stay’. Now, I go ‘Come here, Stay!’ After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn’t move at all.

August 17, 1997 | By Mark | Add a Comment

The farmers are out-standing in their field.

August 17, 1997 | By Mark | Add a Comment

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

August 17, 1997 | By Mark | Add a Comment

I am grateful for all those dark years, even though in retrospect they seem like a long, bitter prayer that was answered finally. – Marilynne Robinson, Gilead