Memory
Maybe the most sacred function of memory is just that: to render the distinction between past, present, and future ultimately meaningless; to enable us at some level of our being to inhabit that same eternity which it is said that God himself inhabits.
- Frederick Buechner
All that ever was
What’s lost is nothing to what’s found, and all the death that ever was, set next to life, would scarcely fill a cup.
- Frederick Buechner
Moments of Grace
Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.
-Frederick Buechner
Beyond Words
I grew up hearing everyone tell me ‘God loves you’. I would say big deal, God loves everybody. That don’t make me special! That just proves that God ain’t got no taste.
- Rich Mullins
My friend Sarah has graciously given me permission to copy something from her blog. Consider this a guest post of sorts.1 At the end, I’ll tell you why I chose to focus on this post. In the meantime, here is what she had to say:
In the book, Captivating, Stasi Eldredge tells a story of how God had given both her and her husband little gifts to show His love. First her husband, alone on a beach, sees a whale surface, and feels that this is for him and him alone, at a time when he really needed to know God loved him. Stasi feels a little jealous of his experience and the next time she’s alone on a beach asks God for a whale too. After a few minutes with no whale she walks away from the water, only to come across a beautiful star fish. Taking in the beauty and perfection of the little creation, she knows that God is speaking to her, showing His love. Then, exceeding her expectations she comes to a place where hundreds of starfish are scattered across the sand as far as she can see, and she is overwhelmed by the extravagance of His love.
Since reading that I’ve both asked God for special gifts like that and tried to recognize and give thanks when He surprises me with an amazing sunset or a shooting star. One could argue that thousands of people may have seen the same things, but they usually seem to come at times when I need to hear or feel something from God and they affirm that He’s with me and caring for me.
Most recently God’s been giving me rainbows. A month or two ago I was driving south towards MA, as I do several times a week, heading to church or to hang out with friends. It was a misty, sprinkly, sunny kind or day—perfect rainbow conditions. I’m conviced that New Englad has the best rainbows as I’ve seen several full, giant rainbows while living here. As I approached a spot that overlooks a bit of a valley, where I’ve seen rainbows before, I said, “Lord it would be awesome if you could show me a rainbow today.” Just as I finished that prayer the car ahead of me kicked up some water and the light caught it, producing a rainbow. I laughed. It was not at all what I had expected, but it was a rainbow and it was just for me. A few minutes later I also got the big rainbow in the sky out my driver’s side window.
Just this evening as I drove down to church for the 6PM service I was thinking about that day and how once again I was driving in “rainbow conditions.” I wondered if I’d see more little rainbows…and then I started seeing them everywhere! Cars all around me were picking up water and flinging it into the air, creating rainbows in their wake. This went on for a mile or two; it was beautiful and so much more that I could have imagined. To top it all off, when I got to church one of the greeters opened the door and welcomed me and said, “did you see the big rainbow?” I turned back towards the parking lot and sure enough there was a huge rainbow in the sky.
A similar story is conveyed in the book I recently reviewed by Leigh McLeroy. Leigh was feeling pretty down on Valentine’s Day and asked God for a symbol of His love for her. Not long afterward, she picked up a leaf in the shape of a heart on the sidewalk.
* * *
I’ve been doing my best to deal with a series of crushing disappointments which has left me with the perpetual feeling of having been kicked in the gut by a horse. I had Sarah’s post and Leigh’s story in mind as I asked God to do something for me that would hold special meaning. I was in need of a reminder that I am uniquely loved.
As I was wrapping up my quote at the end of a recent post about how much inscriptions mean to me, I accidentally lost my place. The page flipped to the one in the picture below. I purchased the book used and never realized that it had been signed.
The inscription said this:
For Becca,
“Who doth cause the candles to burn bright.” With best love and boundless admiration.
- Fred
If you’ve spent any time on this blog, you could easily guess that Frederick Buechner is far and away my favorite author. I’m sure that on June 24, 2004, he had no idea what these few words would do for somebody else. God’s hand was once again on Fred. This time, though, his thoughts were on me.
… for your father knows what you need before you ask him. - Matthew 6:8
- As a side note, I would love to have some more guest posters on this blog or be a guest poster on someone else’s blog. Let me know if you are interested. ↩
Thanksgiving Reflections
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. – Jon Stewart
Sometimes, the main thing you have to be thankful for is that “this too, will pass”. Of course, not everything will indeed pass. 1 Even after sifting and shaking, some things remain. 2 But, sometimes the best you can do to get through one day is to know that a different and better day is on the horizon.
And, being in need is a gift as well. I don’t have much money anymore. Every now and then, I will treat myself to food that I used to enjoy all the time. It tastes better now. It is the same, but it is different.
Then there are friends that I seldom see anymore but used to see all the time. One of my best friends moved to Texas and the other is in Washington, D.C. Now, when I do see them, it means a little extra.
And then there is the feeling that a God who once seemed close is nowhere to be found. As always, Frederick Buechner knows exactly what to say:
I believe that we know much more about God than we admit that we know, than perhaps we altogether know that we know. God speaks to us, I would say, much more often than we realize or than we choose to realize. Before the sun sets every evening, he speaks to each of us in an intensely personal and unmistakable way. His message is not written out in starlight, which in the long run would make no difference; rather it is written out for each of us in the humdrum, helter-skelter events of each day; it is a message that in the long run might just make all the difference.
Who knows what he will say to me today or to you today or into the midst of what kind of unlikely moment he will choose to say it. Not knowing is what makes today a holy mystery as every day is a holy mystery. But I believe that there are some things that by and large God is always saying to each of us. Each of us, for instance, carries around inside himself, I believe, a certain emptiness – a sense that something is missing, a restlessness, the deep feeling that somehow all is not right inside his skin. Psychologists sometimes call it anxiety, theologians sometimes call it estrangement, but whatever you call it, I doubt that there are many who do not recognize the experience itself, especially no one of our age, which has been variously termed the age of anxiety, the lost generation, the beat generation, the lonely crowd. Part of the inner world of everyone is this sense of emptiness, unease, incompleteness, and I believe that this in itself is a word from God, that this is the sound that God’s voice makes in a world that has explained him away. In such a world, I suspect that maybe God speaks to us most clearly through his silence, his absence, so that we know him best through our missing him.3
In large part, I think that this is what earth is all about. Earth is about realizing what you are missing and intensely longing for all those things to be restored. This Thanksgiving, I am most thankful that this day of restoration is on the horizon.
I used to hate it when people would say that every day is Christmas. That is flat out wrong. How can it be the case? A birthday only comes once a year. I think a better argument could be made that every day is Thanksgiving. Every day is an opportunity to be grateful. We are told that in all circumstances to give thanks. 4
Over time, though, I’ve also softened my stance on Christmas as well. Every day is a gift. Each breath is a mercy.5
I close these reflections with some words from a song by Jason Gray:
The curse undone, the veil is parted.
The garden gate will be left unguarded.
- Matthew 24:35 ↩
- 1 Corinthians 13:13 ↩
- Listening to Your Life: Daily Meditations with Frederick Buechner ↩
- 1 Thessalonians 5:18 ↩
- Andrew Peterson, “Serve Hymn” ↩
Running with broken legs
To be commanded to love God at all, let alone in the wilderness, is like being commanded to be well when we are sick, to sing for joy when we are dying of thirst, to run when our legs are broken. But this is the first and great commandment nonetheless. Even in the wilderness – especially in the wilderness – you shall love him.
- Frederick Buechner
Tortured Love
And then there is the love for the enemy – love for the one who does not love you but mocks, threatens, and inflicts pain. The tortured’s love for the torturer. This is God’s love. It conquers the world.
- Frederick Buechner
Snobs
I posted a blog about Susan Boyle a while back and pondered the question as what would have happened had she been just okay or not very good. I said some things in that post that haven’t sat well with me and I’ve since felt the need to change my tune.
More specifically, I wrote about snobby people and the snobby girl in the video at 1:24. My exact words were “I look down upon that girl almost as much as she looked down upon Susan.” Along that same line, the post had an underlying theme of getting back at jerks.
While snobby people hit on a nerve that angers me more than just about anything else, my words reflected a heart that was not in the right place.
A quote by Frederick Buechner sums it up well:
Snobs are people who look down on other people, but that does not justify our looking down on them. Who can say what dark fears of being inferior lurk behind their superior airs or what they suffer in private for the slights they dish out in public.
Don’t look down on them for looking down on us. Look at them, instead, as friends we don’t know yet and who don’t yet know what they are missing in not knowing us.
Here is one another quote that has some things to say about conceit and how to deal with conceited people:
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse… Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. – Romans 12:14-21
This is an area that only the grace of God can help me with. A place where I have a long way to grow.
Telling Secrets
I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are telling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition – that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else. It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are – even if we only tell it to ourselves – because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing. It is important to tell our secrets too because it makes it easier that way to see where we have been in our lives and where we are going. It also makes it easier for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own, and exchanges like that have a lot to do with what being a family is all about and what being human is all about. Finally, I suspect that it is by entering that deep place inside us where our secrets are kept that we come perhaps closer than we do anywhere else to the One who, whether we realize it or not, is of all our secrets the most telling and the most precious we have to tell.
- Frederick Buechner