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Dec 15

I will be your neighbor

Posted on Saturday, December 15, 2007 in Musings, Stories

I continue to eat up my book on Mister Rogers. I love that guy. I love him because he loved me. No, I never did meet Mister Rogers and did not know him personally. But for 30 minutes a day, every day, he poured out his heart to me. Every second of his show was a carefully planned expression of care. He was a thin and fragile man and the only thing big about him was the size of his heart. He talked about slowing down in life. He talked about loving your neighbor – regardless of that person’s status or social position. He was so genuine that when he said on his show that he loved me… I really believed him.

Kids don’t really have a great sense of time. When our family drove long distances, I didn’t know how long an hour and a half was. I did, however, know how long a Mister Rogers episode was. So, my mother would tell me that we were 3 Mister Rogers episodes away. I understood that and I believe that Mister Rogers understood me.

There is a story in the book of how whenever someone stole something that belonged to Mister Rogers, they would return it to him with an apology note that said something along the lines of, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know this belonged to you”. How could you steal from Mister Rogers?

When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him (Proverbs 16:7). Actually, Mister Rogers treated everyone so well, I’m not sure he had any enemies. The more I think about it, I don’t think he was weak and fragile. A gentle tongue can break a bone (Proverbs 25:15) and he was full of love which is the most powerful force in the universe.

When people think of Christmas-time they often think of gifts. Mister Rogers once said that the best gift you can give someone is your honest self. For a half hour every day, he gave me his whole attention. He gave me his vulnerable, simple, honest self.

Mister Rogers was a fine imitator of another one whom we love because he first loved us (1 John 4:19). I have no doubt that God used Mister Rogers in a powerful way. Watching his show gave me a better idea of what Jesus is like. Kind. Compassionate. Humble. Full of love and care.

Mister Rogers has a new place of residence now in heaven. One day, I will once again be his neighbor.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”Colossians 3:12

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcvRMHz4mb4

Dec 6

Waves of Mercy

Posted on Thursday, December 6, 2007 in Musings, Stories
When I was a kid, I used to run right into the ocean. It didn’t matter how cold the water was. I guess I was so excited to be in the water that I jumped right in.

Ever notice how much fun a kid can have with a stick? Our backyard didn’t consist of rocks, trees, and dirt. There were villages back there, and epic battles, and spaceships too. The backdoor was a gateway to a land of fantasy, magic and adventure. Not even my mother’s macaroni and cheese could rip me away from the action.

It always took about an hour to get home from visiting our grandparents. I remember sleepily looking out at the stars on the ride home thinking about how big the world was and dreaming about what the future would be like.

I don’t see the ocean in the same way anymore. I think of the water as being frigid and usually don’t even want to get my feet wet because I don’t want to track sand into the car. A stick is no longer a sword. It’s just a piece of wood. I don’t have much to say about the stars, because I don’t really notice them anymore. All those girls I dreamed I would marry found dreamy guys of their own.

I prayed for about 6 months straight every night when I was a kid to be able to go to a Red Sox game. Now, when I go to Fenway, I hope the game goes by fast. I think about how tired I will be the next morning and worry about fighting traffic.

I wonder what happened to my wonder?

Maybe that is what happens to everybody when you get old. Maybe it was a byproduct of years of stress and disappointment. Maybe it’s because everything can be explained away by science these days – the human body, rainbows, the weather (well, I guess they’re still working on that one). There is an explanation for everything. Our society has taken much of the curiosity out of sex. It seems like nothing is a mystery anymore.

I hate the fact that God is so unpredictable, but I appreciate it at the same time. After all these years, I still can’t figure Him out. The Trinity will always be something of a mystery. Communion still brings a sense of something sacred happening. I still can’t wrap my mind around the idea that God had no beginning. I still wonder how and why He loves me. Nothing can explain Him, He still catches me off guard and He is difficult to predict.

I went to the beach today and watched my friend run and dive right into the water with no fear and enjoy his heart full of life. I remembered the little guy I used to be who would charge right ahead in a similar fashion. That guy was buried somewhere under the cares of life. After a lot of pleading, my friend succeeded in dragging me into water. Little did he know that he was also dusting off my heart. It was high tide and I splashed and bathed in the waves of God’s mercy and grace. I looked up at the shapes of the clouds and saw the sun shining through. I remembered what it was like to enjoy the moment with a sense of careless wonder.

Once in awhile, a sunset catches me surprise. Every now and then, I see the stars and start to dream. Sometimes, I look at the ocean and think about how deep it is and how long it stretches. I pick up a snowball and think of battles gone by. I can’t help but grin. I still remember Griffey hitting that home run over the green monster. These are times when the wonder of God’s beauty interrupts the grind of life.

My favorite songwriter summarizes my thoughts well: I want to open up my eyes and see a more beautiful world. Let the hand of God Almighty sweep his colors through my life… I want to hold tight to the laughter and ride it like a child, on the winds that billow joyful through the sky… I want to stand my ground unshaken… I want to tremble when I rise…  And let my song remain unbroken through the tears… Let me sing… Lord, let me sing.

Lord God, sweep your colors through my life and give me a heart that trembles as I reflect upon your glory.

Nov 24

Bonus Footage and Deleted Scenes

Posted on Saturday, November 24, 2007 in Musings, Stories

I was in the bathroom shaving and making sure I didn’t miss any spots. I sprayed come cologne, put some gel on my new haircut and was ready to take on the past. That old, familiar chaotic excitement was back for one night. We didn’t turn the clocks back one hour, we turned them back ten years. My closest friends gathered at our house and we took pictures as if we were about to go to the prom. My mom even ironed my pants. As we pulled into the parking lot, I suddenly felt like I used to feel before every basketball game. I felt queasy inside, almost like I wanted to vomit.

What surprised me was the raw emotion that overtook me when I saw everyone. I had spent up to 12 years of schooling and been through so much with these people. Then, on graduation day, everything stopped. I figured I would be with them forever. In a flash, though, everyone was gone. It felt like a long movie with a bunch of characters that I knew very well. The movie went on for years and suddenly ended, with no resolution. It was as if someone walked into the theater turned on the lights and said, “the show is over, it is time for you to leave now”. The trouble is, I didn’t want to leave. I wasn’t ready to leave. The movie wasn’t always a great movie and went on for what seemed like ages and it was full of conflict. But how could it end so suddenly with so much left up in the air?

The trouble with graduation day is that it went so fast. I wanted to talk to all my classmates and share a story and tell them how much they meant to me and how much I would miss them. It’s always hard when you don’t know if someone realizes how much you care. Even the ones who I hadn’t been on the best terms with over the years had played a part in my life. I wanted to wish them success as well.

The earth turns so quietly, it’s easy to forget it is even moving. Sometimes the movie feels like it will never end. The characters, though, are gradually getting older. Time slowly moves fast and life happens so quickly. People come and go and some words of love and healing never get said. Some conflict never gets resolved. Sometimes, a kind word is never spoken to break the cycle of revenge. Both parties miss the closeness they once shared. Deep inside, they want a reconciliation that may never happen.

I can count at least five people from our high school class who have died. Sometimes, you think things will always be the same. That’s when the guy comes in and turns off the movie and says it’s time to go home. I don’t know when he is coming, so I have a new resolve to not only live at peace with my neighbor but to love my neighbor in such a way that my neighbor knows he or she is loved. To make the most of every opportunity and hold onto to everything that is meaningful and precious. To value these things while they last.

For the classmates who were in attendance, I was to some degree able to share how much they mean to me. In some cases, it was ten years in the waiting with much too much silence in between. Those who couldn’t make it were sorely missed. It was like a jigsaw puzzle without all the pieces.

They say that the more you care about something, the more you hurt when it is gone. Tonight was a wonderful time of re-connection. For one night, the movie continued. It was like watching bonus footage and deleted scenes. Another chapter was written in a book that hadn’t been picked up for years. The night was also sad. It was a night of magic that I knew would be short-lived. I found myself wanting more. More stories, more re-connection, more new memories to be made as old memories were reflected upon. I wanted more resolution.

The movie is a small part of a larger story that has continued through generations. It’s a complicated movie. Part drama, part suspense, part comedy, and part mystery. Very often it is a tragedy.  There is even a touch of horror. It can be dull at times, but it also can be a captivating movie. It can draw you in and take hold of your heart. You can identify with the characters. After all, you yourself have a part to play.

Although it includes many genres, the movie is mainly a love story. It centers on one Actor sent by the Master Storyteller, who has relentlessly been at work to draw wayward mankind back to Himself. It’s a beautiful story, and it can take your breath away.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”Ecclesiastes 3:11

Oct 18

Jack

Posted on Thursday, October 18, 2007 in Stories

He was nonverbal and didn’t have any teeth, but he was still able to communicate. Mentally, he was only 3. Physically, he was 60. He must’ve thought he was over 100 because everytime we celebrated somebody’s birthday, he thought it was his birthday that we were celebrating.

He moved in with our family right around the time I became a teenager. He loved to play sports and I used to rebound for him as he shot hoops with his underhanded style in our driveway. We also played catch with whatever balls were lying around the house. If I didn’t cut things off, he probably would have never stopped playing. He loved to watch football on TV and whenever I asked him who was winning the game, he would say “purple”.

He used to go to church and introduce himself to everybody. When we weren’t looking, he would kiss the ladies. He went to work every day and whenever I asked him what he did there, he would simply say “pull”. He looked forward to receiving his paycheck that was usually no more than $20 for two weeks. I remember one time when he bought me a book with his hard earned money. He was so happy and proud to give me something. Sometimes he had dances with other special needs people and would always find the prettiest girl to slow dance with.

When I went away to college, he used to point at my picture and ask my mother when I was coming home. He was always looking forward to Thanksgiving, Christmas, or camp and always asked when people would be coming home. He was really stubborn when he didn’t get his way and was a world-class pouter. He loved to eat and most of the time he got angry was when he couldn’t have more food or another Coke.

Whenever I came home, he would give me long hugs and not let go. He was always so happy to see me. He used to give me big wet kisses and I’d get slobber and snots all over my clothes when he buried his head in my chest. He had more joy and love than most of the people I have ever met and was living proof that God uses the weak and foolish things of the world to shame the wise.

He loved boats. The last time I saw him, we were at a beach and he was waving at the boats as they passed by. Even though he was really sick and pale, the site of the boats made him so happy. He was about to placed in a group-home because his medical needs were becoming too much to handle.

As we were sitting at the beach, he kept asking me if I would be home for Thanksgiving. He couldn’t wait for that time with the three things he loved most – food, family, and football. Soon, he would be asking me where we would put the Christmas tree. I would ask him what he wants for Christmas and he would answer with the standard, “a book, a hat, a book”. Two books and one hat – it’s what he wanted every year.

I knew he didn’t have much longer to the live, but the phone call today still caught me by surprise. I wish I had a chance for one more time to shoot hoops, one more time poke his big belly and hear him say “cut it out” and one more time to give him a big hug and receive a sloppy kiss. After all those years spending holidays together, things won’t seem right this upcoming season.

I know you won’t be here to receive the gifts, but I’m getting two books and one hat for you, big man, this Christmas. God knows how much I love you, how much joy you brought into my life and how much I already miss you.

Goodbye.

Goodbye

Oct 9

Keeping your Heart

Posted on Tuesday, October 9, 2007 in Musings, Stories

May 22, 2007. That was the day things would change. It was the day of the NBA draft lottery where the order of the upcoming draft would be determined. As a miserable Celtics fan, I looked forward to this day for so long. They had been atrocious for the last 15 years and now they were going to get a stud. All those years of losing would make it worth it. The Celtics were going to get a top pick and would become relevant again!

They didn’t even need the number 1 pick (Oden). The number 2 pick would have worked just as well (Durant). There was about a 40% chance they would get the first or second pick. The worst they could do was 5th, but there was only a 12% chance of that happening. Things had been bad for so long that surely something good had to happen. I was optimistic. “Pumped and jacked” as old Patriots coach Pete Caroll would say. I took my study partner away from our preparation and headed to the breakroom at my workplace. The pre-lottery show went on forever and I was about to die with anticipation. Finally, things got rolling. The man at the podium started the countdown from 12 to 1. He announced:

14. Clippers
13. New Orleans…
6. Milwaukee
5. Boston

I couldn’t believe it! They only had a 12.4% chance of getting the #5 pick. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, the worst case scenario came true! My buddy tried to console me as we went back to studying, but how can you console someone who endured 15 years of his favorite team sucking and would now have to put up with another decade of rooting for a crappy team (see 1997 lottery/Tim Duncan). Over time, the Celtics had gone from being one of the most storied franchises in NBA history to being a joke. Celtic pride turned into Celtic embarrassment. I was never going to give up on my team, but, at the same time, it wears you out rooting for a team of losers every year. I was a cursed fan living a wretched existence. Things had changed. The Celtics were no longer good. They were bad. Very bad. And that was something I was just going to have to deal with.

Fast forward 4 months and everything has changed. In my mind, there was no hope for team, coach, players, franchise and organization. Danny Ainge somehow managed to pull one brilliant move after another out of his rear end. Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen are bonafide studs and have teamed up with Paul Pierce in the quest for Green17. The games have sold out and the Celtics are all over the news! Wow!

The Bible mentions a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. According to Mark, “she had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse” (Mark 5:26). I’m sure that after 12 years of suffering, she was ready to throw in the towel and give up. It’s easy to have faith for brief periods of time, but to suffer like that for 12 years… However, she saw Jesus and thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed”. The Bible notes that “Suddenly” her bleeding stopped and she was freed from her suffering. After 12 years, it all ended. All at once. Just like that.

Now, obviously my plight as a Celtics fan can’t compare with the suffering this woman had to endure. If the Celtics never won another game again, I still could live a very happy life. The point is, though, that there is hope for the future because in a moment everything can change. I’m sure that this woman felt her suffering would never end. In an instant though, it was gone. In the meantime, God carries us along and uses the pain and tears for His glory.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.2 Corinthians 4:16-18

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