I went with my father to the Patriots pre-season game against the Saints on Thursday. The stadium was big and beautiful, kind of like my biceps. We walked up about 14 ramps, and, after fighting traffic, parking lots and hunger, finally made it to our seats with 12 minutes to go in the third quarter.

By the time we got there, all the starters had been taken out and they were playing the 3rd string. At one point, I was excited to see veteran running-back Fred Taylor carrying the ball. However, we eventually realized that it was actually a different running back named Chris Taylor. Chris… Fred… what’s the difference anyway?

At one point, I spotted Reggie Bush on the sidelines. I could tell it was him, because I could make out the number 25 on his shirt.  I was about a mile away from him, so that was pretty good. I also saw Coach Bill, Randy Moss and my friend Tom Brady. They weren’t playing, of course, but they did look nice on the sidelines.

Even as we were getting to the stadium, people were leaving. By the time we got there, the place was about 35% full. Toward the end of the fourth quarter,  that number dropped to about 10%.  One thing that struck me about the game was how quiet it was. There wasn’t a lot of the extra-curricular stuff that goes on at sporting events during timeouts, like contests or shooting T-shirts into the crowd. The place was pretty much dead.

But dead was just what I needed. After all the work it took to get there, I didn’t need any more stimulation. Seeing the stadium and Reggie and Coach Bill and Tom was enough. It was also good to be with my Dad.

Not even the cheerleaders were into this game

Back when Mark McGwire and Sammy Sooser were having their home run battle, I wandered into a baseball card shop. Hoping to pull McGwire’s rookie card, I purchased a pack of 1984 Topps for about 5 bucks. Well, to my surprise and horror, the stick of gum was still in there. At first, I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I couldn’t chew it, because it was unchewable. If I had dropped it on the floor, it would have split into tiny little pieces. But I couldn’t waste it. A 14-year old stick of gum was too rare and valuable. So, I did what any curious person would do. I ate it. It didn’t taste great, but there was a little bit of powdered sugar still on the top. It was like antique candy.

In case you are curious, the cards were awful. No Tony Gwynn or Cal Ripken, Jr. Heck, there wasn’t even a Joe Sambito. They were all commons. Also, the package opened up so easily, my guess is that someone had already gone through it, pulled the good ones, and had it resealed. Of course, the irony is that even I had pulled the Mark McGwire rookie card, that might not be worth $5 these days either.

When my father was young he met an even younger girl and started calling her “Toots”. She had dark brown hair and strong teeth and worked baking bread in a bakery. Unfortunately, she thought he was old, crazy, poor and somewhat funny looking. He knew that he had to find a way to win her over, so he did the only thing he knew how to do. He started making her treats. Lots of them. Because she brought so much color to his life, he made the treats the same color as her hair. His longstanding confection eventually won her over and she became stuck on him just like his treats stuck on her teeth. He got so good that he made a business out of it. One thing led to another and pretty soon Sugar Daddy married Tootsie Roll and they had Sugar Babies. Now, isn’t that a sweet story?