Interview: Sarah Cunningham – Picking Dandelions
As an adult, I once saw vacation Bible school kids raise their hands to indicate they wanted to follow Jesus. Their hands shot up as if they were being asked if they wanted to play dodgeball. Some of the kids raised their hands every night of Bible school. I remember thinking that some of them had no idea what they were doing. But then again, it might be our strange sense of lostness that makes salvation so necessary. We’re so disoriented that we’ll reach for something even in blindness. And sometimes what we reach for is real and right. And it reaches right back.
- Picking Dandelions, p. 28
In this wonderfully quirky, candid and offbeat memoir, author Sarah Cunningham takes us through her journey of searching for remnants of Eden in the midst of life’s weeds. The book starts off with a beautiful description of Cunningham’s childhood as a pastor’s kid in rural Michigan and continues to her present reality as a wife, mother and teacher. Some of the themes are growth, maturity and embracing change.
I sat down with Cunningham electronically to ask her some questions about this book and her relationship with Tom Brady. Here is how our conversation went down:
ML: This book is a bit different in that the chapters are not titled. Was this a conscious decision? If so, I’m curious to get your thought process behind that decision.
SC: It depends. If you like that it didn’t have chapters, I’ll take credit for that. If not, it was a publishing oversight. 
Kidding. It wasn’t planned from the beginning, but it evolved–consciously–as I wrote it. With memoirs, you don’t want to force every section–every little story–into a rigid theme.You want them to flow as a collection of stories that move more like your life, chronologically, from one thing to the next. People get to know you by following you through life and gradually they pick up what is important versus you telling them with bold captions on the top of every page.
ML: You grew up in the church and became a Christian at an early age. What would you say to people who have been Christians their entire life, but feel discouraged with their progress and can’t use the “it was in my pre-Christian days” line when sorting through bad decisions?
SC: I’d say welcome to the human race. 
Life is a mix of ups and downs, of progress and disappointment, for anyone–regardless of where their faith story starts.
That sounds harsh, but its not a scare tactic. Its a helpful piece of information to take in. I think sometimes, in all the Sunday School lessons and songs with motions, adults forget to tell kids how sticky and dysfunctional life can be. How much struggle is waiting for each of us…even if we’re that good kid who makes all the textbook right choices. We have to anticipate that life will continually disrupt our ideals. When we expect that, we can prepare for it, learn to stay grounded so we retain enough awareness to find bits of Eden in the weeds.
ML: You had dreams of making a lasting impact and write about how good it felt to have so much support as you led teams in the wake of 9/11. Many young people have designs on changing the world. Over time, they seem to get jaded, frustrated with a lack of support, overwhelmed with how broken and needy the world is and/or burnt out. Is there a way to recover some of the youthful idealism later in life?
SC: I’m still one of the most idealistic, driven people I know. To a fault. So yes, there’s definitely a way to retain vision beyond your twenties.
One thing that is helpful is realizing God didn’t appoint any of us to rush around and fix every problem we can find or heal every hurting person we can locate on the globe. Not even Jesus took that approach. Instead of being motivated and then crushed by endless lines of need, we need to learn to not shoot for super hero status, but instead to aim for personal responsibility. Who does God bring across your path? What kind of needs are present in your family, friends, workplace? What social issue burdens you, weights on you, keeps you up at night? That is what you are responsible to respond to.The stuff God is doing in your own soul. Don’t worry about chasing down every need on the planet. God is pressing those issues into someone else. He’s good at delegating, man. He’s God.
ML: You mentioned that the Christian college you attended – Spring Arbor University – consisted of students eager to grow and that the place seemed to have a special connection to God. What would you say to students who attend Christian schools but don’t see that same desire to grow in the student body and are tempted to become disillusioned with the Christian faith?
SC: I would need to listen to all the factors involved before knowing where to start with that one. And even then, there’s probably no magic advice. Its probably one of those roads where the person needs to spend some time praying and reflecting and making some hard calls. One thing to remember though might be that in many many places in life, there will be no community of believers to help you nurture and maintain your faith. The people around you won’t be passionate about the same things, they might not even understand the way you see the world. You may feel very alone and misunderstood. And in those moments, whether they occur on campus or later among your friends or workplace, you will find renewal by making a practice of seeking God for yourself…even when there is no one around you to push you.
ML: You mention how difficult it was for the church you attended as a child to embrace change – even in something as simple as the color of a shingle. Do you think that churches are getting better at keeping with the times or still very resistant to change?
SC: I think there have always been churches and leaders who excelled at change. Sometimes the ones that end up in the spotlight aren’t there because they’re good at the kind of change I’m talking about. You can change “with the times” –buy killer video technology, create itouch applications for tithing, make your sanctuary wireless.Those can all be positive moves. But those kinds of changes don’t necessarily demonstrate any sort of mastery when it comes to change of the heart. Are people becoming more like Christ as they sit in your wireless sanctuary year after year? That’s the question and the change that matters.
ML: In the book, you reach for Rainblo bubble gum as you set about changing your life. Is this your candy of choice? What is your favorite flavor?
SC: Haha. Noooo. That is probably the only Rainblo I’ve had since third grade. I actually bought a bunch of 1980′s throwback candy for my husband one day because he loves the 80′s. And that just happened to be the package that got lost in a drawer somewhere.And all the Rainblo tastes the same to me, so I have to go with my favorite color which is orange.
ML: What would you say to people who recognize the need to change, try to change, but keep falling and feel as if they’re going nowhere or even backward?
SC: I’d say, wow, you’re just like me.
But, really, I’d say, there is truth in this world. There is. I’m sure of it. And if you seek it, not just once or every other month when you get in a sucky situation, but if you seek it day after day…if you try to apply it…to align your life with it. Man, you will start to experience more goodness, more peace. You will start to make choices that invite good into your life and carve away the dysfunction. And gradually, you will start to experience less drama as a result of your own choices.
But you still won’t be 100%. Things will still trip you up, just like they do me. And even when you’ve got your own life on course, you could still be impacted by sticky dynamics created by someone else’s choices.
ML: You currently live in Jackson, Michigan. According to Google Maps, that is only 43 minutes away from the university that Tom Brady attended. Aren’t you glad that God has given us Tom Brady? Isn’t one of your most ardent desires that the Patriots return to the Super Bowl next year?SC: Hmmm. Maybe I haven’t been adequately thankful to God on this one. Short answer: my husband is a Bears fan, so its mandatory that I not support Tom Brady. My marriage depends on it.
(Editor’s note: Sarah mentions in the book that she is still in the process of being sanctified.)
ML: If you had to distill this book to a few sentences, what is the most important thing that you aim to get across?
SC: Not changing can seem like the lazy, “easy” route at the time. But in the end, refusing to change is always way more expensive than just doing the hard work of rooting out the bad stuff and letting God transform you.
Christians can’t afford the luxury of unchanged living.
ML: For readers looking to learn more about you, where is best place to look? Also, you have written a few books. Where is the best place to start?
SC: Sarahcunningham.org is a quirky, cheesy collection of things that go on in my life. Its not news-worthy, but its fun and sometimes insightful. I’m active in promoting my writing and projects on Facebook and on again off again on Twitter too.
As far as the books go, I’ve written Dear Church and Picking Dandelions. I have contributed to a few others though. The average person should probably start with this book Picking Dandelions, which is available on Amazon. However, if you’ve ever been intensely sold on the mission of the church (local or global) and then been sidelined by negative experiences, you’ll find a voice of understanding and sometimes angst and eventually learning in Dear Church as well.
ML: Thank you, Sarah!
SC: Thanks for having me, Mark.
Sarah Cunningham is a high school teacher, part-time college professor, and chief servant to the nine month emperor Justus. She is a popular church and conference speaker, the author of Dear Church, and a contributor to several books, including unChristian. She is also a member of the Burnside Writer’s Collective, founded by Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz. Sarah, her husband, Chuck, and their son live with their manic Jack Russell terrier in Jackson, Michigan.
Smart Faith by J.P. Moreland & Mark Matlock
- Smart Faith, p. 18
Review: First off, this book on what it means to love God with all your mind is geared toward high school and college students. This was not clear to me going in. It is only 171 pages, but covers a lot of ground. It goes into good depth on some subjects (e.g. identifying and countering fallacies) and provides an easy to understand introduction to other concepts (e.g. limitations of the scientific method). The back cover promises that the reader can learn to:
- Identify fallacies of logic – your own and others
- Embrace the mind’s role in spiritual formation
- Acquire new spiritual disciplines
Though mostly at an introductory level (especially in regards to spiritual disciplines), the book comes through. Although it contains a few too many “musts” and “shoulds” for my taste, it is well reasoned and makes sense. It will also give the reader confidence in knowing how to respond to common obstacles presented by culture such as moral relativism (e.g. your truth vs. my truth).
I particularly liked the emphasis on not arguing from the Bible to people who aren’t sold on its validity. It is kind of stupid to say, “I believe it because the Bible says so” to someone who doesn’t believe in the Bible. One of the exercises at the end of a chapter is to come up with 3 simple and intelligent reasons for what you believe without using Scripture or feelings. Here is the example they gave:
1. I believe because the evidence – historical, archaelogical, scientific, and so on – for Christianity is more credible than the evidence for other faiths (or no faith at all).
2. I believe because Christianity is the only philosophy that explains every aspect of the realities in our world: human beings and nature, evil and good, love and hate, liberty and bondage, creativity and ingenuity, and so on.
3. I believe because I have asked for God’s involvement in my life and, as as result, have experienced His responses, too many responses to be labeled coincidence.
Exercises like this help the Christian to “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have” (1 Peter 3:15). Also great were the case studies toward the back of the book on secluded or worldly Christians and what it would look like to become an “ambassador Christian” (based on 2 Corinthians 5:20).
Summary: Some parts of this book were more enjoyable to read and other parts felt like eating vegetables - not the best tasting but good for you. This is particularly suited for overachieving and motivated high school students who want grow in loving God with their minds and be able to provide well-reasoned arguments for their faith.
Rating: 4/5 (Eat your spiritual vegetables.)
This book was provided for review by NavPress. To learn more or purchase on Amazon, click here.
Desperate Hope by Candi Pearson-Shelton
The greatest comfort, I believe, is found in remembering that we are in the hands of the most skillful surgeon, One who is intricate and detailed. He doesn’t leave things to chance. He is far too wise to stop in the middle of a design, too loving to leave a patient on the operating table without completing the surgery. He may seem to be going about it all wrong. But what do we know, really? Who are we, the creation, to tell the Creator what He could do better? What may seem scattered, random, or simply too difficult to grasp is actually the work of El Roi – the God who sees. It is part of the intricate and purposeful plan of the Almighty. The plan is not often evident in the throes of our worst nightmares or our painful journeys. We may be aware that something is happening, but how it can possibly be woven together is beyond our scope. How fortunate for us that it isn’t beyond God’s scope.
- Desperate Hope, p. 161-162
Synopsis: Candi Pearson-Shelton is a worship leader, songwriter and independent artist. She is best known for her involvement with the Passion worship movement. She also wrote and performed the title track on the Dove-award-winning album Glory Revealed.Five years ago, Pearson-Shelton lost her then 23-year-old brother, Rick, to cancer. In Desperate Hope, she recounts her struggle to find understanding, hope and God’s plan and glory in the aftermath of this family tragedy. This book reads like part memoir and part devotional. Pearson-Shelton remains fiercely devoted to God – even as she wrestles to find hope in the midst of chronicling her pain.
The appendix contains a collection of blog entries and comments from friends and family as her brother fought for survival in late 2005. Also included is a code for the download of a song that was written exclusively for the book. All profits for the sale of Desperate Hope will go to the Rick Pearson Memorial Fund.
Review: I wish that I had read the appendix to this book first. Though Pearson-Shelton clearly adored her brother, it wasn’t until I read the blog entries and comments/prayers from around the world that I developed my own emotional connection to the loss. The writing isn’t the best, but is full of raw trust, devotion and heart. I was particularly touched by how much this sister cared for her brother and inspired by the legacy he left behind. I also appreciated the incredible story about how Rick’s sickness led to his father coming to faith.
Overall, I found this to be a worthwhile read even though I didn’t connect with the book as much as others probably will. It is particularly suited for Christians dealing with the loss of a family member or any event that has led to heartache and despair. However, it will also lead the reader to want to love like Pearson-Shelton and live a life that impacts others as much as Rick’s life did.
Rating: 3/5 (Took me until the end to develop an emotional response to the book.)
This book was provided for review by David C. Cook through the B&B Media Group. To learn more about or purchase this book on Amazon, click here.
Hear No Evil by Matthew Paul Turner
I have a copy of this book to giveaway. In the comment area, tell me the name of a music group that you’re embarrassed to admit that you like. I will draw a winner on Thursday morning.
It was obvious that following Jesus had helped him to some degree, but it wasn’t a miraculous healing. Henry was in process. And there was nothing wrong with being in process. I was in process. But failing to acknowledge the loose ends of somebody’s story, or pretending they didn’t exist, usually caused lives to further unravel.- Hear No Evil, p. 163
Summary: Matthew Paul Turner’s childhood was profoundly influenced by the fundamentalist Baptist church his family attended. His church was heavy on rules and judgment and light on grace. As a result, honesty was stifled and he encountered many regulations on what type of music he could listen to. But music was one of the best ways Turner connected with God and he had designs on becoming a Christian musician. In Hear No Evil, Turner takes us through his musical journey toward God in spite of the sheltering and often misguided influence of key Christians in his life.
Review: The first half of this book reminded me of the movie Footloose. ”Give the kid his music!”, I kept wanting to scream. What is funny is that Turner wasn’t even trying to sneak “hardcore” music into his soul. No. The musicians his church frowned upon were Christian artists such as Sandi Patti, Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith. It seems more than a little ridiculous to me that a church would look down upon its members listening to any of these artists. But Grant was divorced and some of Smith’s songs didn’t explicitly mention Jesus and I can’t remember what Patti’s problem was. Obviously, these prohibitions left a profound effect on Turner and would take many years to sort through.
Along the way, the reader encounters many colorful characters and strange situations. Turner is a good writer and fabulous storyteller. I enjoyed following the twists, turns and surprise endings. This is the most entertaining book I have read in some time.
A word of caution: Going in, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had visited Turner’s blog a few times and felt uneasy with some posts that seemed designed to be controversial. Commentators who were offended or didn’t agree with Turner were, at times, met with disdain by the Turner supporters. It didn’t seem like the safest place for some people. This book pushes the envelope is some places, but is pretty mild overall.
Summary: An entertaining journey toward a more honest and authentic faith.
Rating: 4/5 (Engaging and enjoyable.)
The book was provided for review by Waterbrook Multnomah. To learn more about or purchase on Amazon, click here.
Cupidity by Hayley & Michael DiMarco
A lot of acts of Cupidity are perpetrated in the name of expecting another person to bring us hope, joy, or peace. It’s probably the most common mistake of the single person looking for love. When we look for love, we all believe in some part of our hearts that when we find it we will have arrived. After all, we think we’ve found the person who will bring us the joy of love, the hope of perfect life together, and finally the peace that will put our chasing and loneliness out to pasture.
- Cupidity, p. 213
Synopsis: As an older song puts it, “Everybody plays the fool, sometime. There’s no exception to the rule.” Who hasn’t done stupid things for love? In the book Cupidity (cupid + stupid) married couple Hayley and Michael DiMarco identify 50 such foolish things. The hope is that the reader turn from his or her mistakes and avoid potential mistakes altogether.
The book is split up into 5 sections: emotional, gender-specific, physical, social and spiritual acts of cupidity. Here is an example from each section:
- Believing love is a feeling
- Fearing the Silence
- Becoming Too Comfortable with Each Other
- Refusing to Apologize
- Sharing Sins
Who this book is for: According to the back cover, this book is for single or married people. To me, it seemed mostly applicable to unmarried females in their late teens or early twenties. The font is a maroonish color and the book includes materials (e.g. quiz, sidebar lists) that look like something out of a magazine for young women. Guys are often presented as wanting to play video games all day long, wimping out on leadership and not necessarily holding a job. Unless the male reader fits this category and sees the need for change, he might be turned off and not want to keep reading. Also, this book is intended for Christians.
Positives: While discussing serious matters, the book is light-hearted and the authors don’t take themselves too seriously. There is a lot of practical information in here, especially for people who haven’t read similar books/magazine articles in the past. Also, this book has a great look and feel and the layout is very nice. Bold, italics and larger font are sometimes used to get the point across.
Negatives: Apart from an overly-simplistic view of men, I found this book theologically sloppy at times. For example, on page 213 they write, “None of your thoughts go unnoticed, and no sinful thought goes unpunished…” They are right, but Christ took the punishment. For those in Christ, God does not treat us as our sins deserve.
Summary: As the old adage goes, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”. This book can save a lot of heartache and is gracious and hopeful in cases where the damage has already been done.
Rating: 4/5
This book was provided for review by Tyndale. To learn more about or purchase on Amazon, click here.
Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge
But it opens the door alright, and then we can get on with actually living our lives.
- Love & War, p. 197-198
This book is very similar to other books by this pair (e.g. The Sacred Romance, Captivating, Waking the Dead). Couples need to offer strength and beauty to each other. We crave adventure. The enemy has come to destroy love. We are in an epic spiritual battle. There is a need to inch by inch take back what has been stolen. As is typical, the writing is dramatic and includes references to movies and music (though not as much as some of their other books).
The couple frequently write about events that happened recently in their lives. They switch on and off. John will tell a story and then Stasi will tell her version of the same event. The book is hopeful and the couple is very open about their struggles and the harsh realities of living in a broken world.
This is more of a larger narrative than “how-to” book. However, on page 92 they summarize what they are hoping to get across:
1. Find life in God
2. Deal with your brokenness
3. Learn to shut down the spiritual attacks that come against your marriage.
Whether or not you will like this book will largely depend on whether or not you like the writing style and whether you enjoyed other books by this duo in the past. I thought this was a good book, though I didn’t agree with everything set forth. For example, John writes that friends who have not married or are married without any children are fundamentally selfish (p. 197). I know of plenty of unselfish people who would love to be married and it hasn’t worked out.
I especially liked the sections about insisting that a spouse deal with his or her brokenness. I recall learning my counseling days that if one person in the family has a problem, everybody in the family has a problem. It is not love to allow a spouse to continually engage in behavior that wounds everyone in his or her path. For the sake of the marriage and children, brokenness has to be addressed. This needs to be done. I also enjoyed the parts about what it means love and offer strength to another.
Overall, I found this book honest and enlightening. It gets to the heart and exposes sinful methods of relating. Due to overlap, I recommend it for Christians who haven’t read any of their other books or Christians who absolutely love their other books.
Rating: 5/5 (Gets to the heart of the matter and the heart is a matter of life and death.)
This book was provided for review by Waterbrook Multnomah. To learn more about or purchase on Amazon, click here.
Angels by Dr. David Jeremiah
I’ve been around a few people like that. Haven’t you? When you’re with them you’re almost unsure of what to say. There’s something so different about them. So you reach the same conclusion that was made about the disciples in Acts 4:13 – they’ve “been with Jesus”. The Lord is all they seem to want to talk about, and they make you want to think more about him too.
- Angels, p. 170-171
Review: Who are angels? How do they help? What do they do?
If you’re like me, you have a lot of questions regarding these mysterious creatures. This is a subject that I have never really studied and has always been a bit fuzzy in my head.
Well, in this repackage of the original 1996 paperback, Pastor David Jeremiah sheds light on these bright beings. He uses the Bible as his source and takes the reader on a tour through instances where angels are mentioned. He is careful to not read too deeply into the text and states plainly cases of personal conjecture. Toward the end of the book, Jeremiah touches on demons, the identity of the “angel of the Lord” and how angels relate to God. He also provides guidance for some interesting questions such as, “Do I have my own guardian angel?” and “Do angels exist to serve mankind?”
Because angels are so magnificent, many have been tempted to give them worship. In the book of Revelation, the apostle John falls down at an angel’s feet after beholding its glory. The angel replies,
“Do not do it! I am a fellow servant with you and with your brothers the prophets and of all who keep the words of this book. Worship God!” (Revelation 22:9 and a similar instance in Revelation 19:10).
This is a recurring theme of the book. Like a sunset or a pretty girl, there is a strong temptation to worship anything full of beauty and mystery. But even angels continually shout, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come” (Revelation 4:8). All glory, honor and majesty belong to God. Angels are another of God’s creation. In this regard, they are like caterpillars.
Jeremiah notes thats the deepest purpose of this book isn’t just to teach about angels, but to help us learn through angels what we can about God Himself (p. 162). He succeeds and this book brings clarity to a subject that isn’t well-understood.
Rating: 4/5 (Straightforward and educational.)
This book was provided for review by the Waterbrook Multnomah Publishing Group. To learn more about or purchase this book at RandomHouse.com, click here.
I have a giveaway copy of this book. In the comment section, tell me the name of your favorite angel. It could be from a book, movie or even baseball team located in Anaheim. I will select a winner on Monday morning.
Shattered, Shaken, and Stirred by Gilbert Ahrens
- Shattered, Shaken, and Stirred, p. 27
Summary: On an autumn evening in 2002, the car Gilbert Ahrens was driving was struck head-on by a drunk driver traveling 95 miles per hour. Gil, his wife Kim, sister Margot, and three-week-old daughter Olivia had been going 60 miles per hour. The driver of the other car was only 18, and the passenger in that car was killed on impact. Gil’s family survived, but with some serious injuries. The most serious was his wife, Kim, who suffered a broken neck that left her paralyzed and sentenced to a wheelchair. Their baby daughter, however, emerged unscathed.
Ahrens writes this book to his daughter, describing the many ways in which that one night altered everything. It is a story that reads like a long love letter and includes actual correspondences to family and friends. Ahrens details how their world was ripped apart and the great struggle to get things back together. Of course, they never would get back to the way things were. Their lives had been forever changed.
Ahrens also describes how faith in God helped him through such a difficult time. He does not get very deep into theology, but has a lot to say about change, struggle and suffering. Amazingly, his tone is primarily of gratitude and he even injects humor into grim and bitter situations. What gets Ahrens the most fired up is all the inefficiencies and injustices encountered when dealing with what he terms “the System” (e.g. insurance companies, the legal system, etc.). This part took some time to get through, but illuminated frustrations that affect everybody and many directly face.
This book reminded me of another book titled, A Grace Disguised by Gerald Sittser. Both recount in horrific fashion the trauma that ensued after being hit by a drunk driver. The difference is that Sittser has a theological background (Ahrens was a business man) and lost three family members in his crash. Sittser’s book goes much deeper into matters of loss and suffering, while this book gets more into the day to day adjustments required to deal with his wife’s sudden disability.
Rating: 4/5 (Good, but Sittser’s book is one of the best books that I have ever read and is on a similar topic. I would read that one first.)
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
This book was provided for review by Positano Press through the B&B Media Group. To learn more about or purchase this book on Amazon, click here. For further information, check out the book’s website.
Thy Kingdom Connected by Dwight Friesen
Synopsis: The tagline to this complex book is, “What the Church can learn from Facebook, the Internet, and other networks.” Having that subtitle in mind, this book was entirely different than expected. It is about networks, but hardly mentions Facebook and the like. Because it veers off in so many directions, I’m having a difficult time creating a succinct summary. So, I’ll steal the summary from the site where this book was made available for review. Here it is:
Networks: They’re everywhere. From our roads to our relationships, from our food supply to our power grids, networks are an integral part of how we live. Similarly, our churches, denominations, and even the kingdom of God are networks. Knowing how networks function and how to work with rather than against them has enormous implications for how to live lives of faithful and life-filled ministry. In Thy Kingdom Connected, Dwight Friesen brings the complex theories of networking to church leaders in easy-to-understand, practical ways. Rather than bemoaning the modern disintegration of things like authority and structure, Friesen inspires hope for a more connective vision of life with God. He shows those involved in lives of ministry how they can optimize already existing connections between people in order to share the Good News, embed people more deeply in the lives of their faith communities, and grow together as apprentices of Jesus.
If that still isn’t clear, the back of the book continues:
Friesen inspires hope for a more connective vision of life with God and shows how to maximize already existing connections between people in order to spread the gospel, get people plugged in at your church, and grow together as disciplines.
The five sections are:
- Seeing Connectively
- God’s Networked Kingdom
- Leading that Connects
- Networked Church
- Connective Practices
This is an explicitly Christian book and is especially suited for Christian leaders. Each chapter ends with references to other books for further exploration and questions for personal or small group discussion. The book is a part of the Emergent Village resources for communities of faith series published by Baker Books.
Review: This book is under 200 pages, but has a density unlike any other book I’ve read lately and is by no means a quick read. I can’t quite agree with the statement in the summary that complex theories are broken down in easy-to-understand ways as this book requires a good deal of mental effort to stay engaged and reminds me of at least a college-level book. However, the reward for staying focused is that Friesen offers all kinds of meat to chew on.
The book gives vision and clarity to a radical shift from the individualistic nature of western culture. Each man’s choices have a far-reaching impact to bless or to curse and to build-up or tear down. Because we are so inter-connected, our choices matter. In light of the systemic nature of things and relational focus of the Bible, it is a worthwhile pursuit to learn how to best channel and utilize the power of networks for good.
Positives: I particularly enjoyed the discussion on relating to others with a goal of giving of oneself rather than only to use and take. I also enjoyed the focus on spreading rather than hoarding power and the “parable of Google” regarding the example of how Google links us to what we seek rather than being an end in itself. The chapters on leadership were compelling and there is a solid stress on looking at the big picture and cooperating with “competing” ministries. Finally, the networking theory as it relates to form and function and chaos and order was very intriguing.
Negatives: Apart from being thrown off by the subtitle, this book is not the most aesthetically pleasing. The cover is ugly, the line spacing is tight and the illustrations are busy and not always clear. Also, I feel like this book could have been better organized and set out a clearer road map as to where it would go and what it would aim to accomplish.
Summary: The author has clearly done his homework. This book is jam-packed with information, theory, guidance and challenging insights regarding connection and community.
Rating: 4/5 (A messy drink from a systems theory fire hose.)
To learn more about or purchase on Amazon, click here. You might also want to check out the author’s personal website.
Us: A User’s Guide by Daniel Tocchini
As she is drifting down memory lane, Mary looks up and sees Jesus carrying His cross through throngs of people down the road to Golgotha. She watches Him cry out in pain and fall under the weight of the heavy cross. As He falls, Mary races to His side and reassures Him, “I am here. I am here.” Lifting her face with His blood-soaked hand, Jesus smiles and whispers to her, “See, Mother, I make all things new.” The fear that drove her from His beating was being made new by His presence there at the cross.
- Us, p. 129
Background: The sub-title to this book reads, “It’s not about you. It’s not about me. It’s about… us.” I am reminded of a different marriage book written with the title Intimate Allies and the following quote by C.S. Lewis:
There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles them.
All have the idea of dropping weapons. No longer is it man against woman. Man and woman have joined in matrimony. No matter how disparate they once were, the two have become one. The working out of this reality is often excruciatingly difficult, but, ultimately, love is a war worth fighting. The battles, however, are for the other. And, because the two have become one, when fighting for the other you can’t help but indirectly fight for yourself.
Synopsis: Author Daniel L. Tocchini has worked with more than five thousand couples through personal marriage coaching and seminars offered through his organization, the Association for Christian Character Development. Using examples in his own marriage and others he has coached, Tocchini aims at teaching couples new ways of relating. The aim is to transform the marriage by learning to:
- Talk to each other instead of making assumptions and jumping to conclusions
- Break free of recurring, unresolved arguments
- Manage the impact of difficult (but necessary) conversations on your relationship
- Defuse conflict without sweeping it under the rug
- Open the broken places in your marriage (the ones you hesitate to talk about) to reconciliation
Tocchini explains, “This is a transformational approach to breaking through the barriers and getting out of the ruts in our marriage by paying attention to our conversation – what we are thinking, our motivation for thinking it, and the impact it has on our spouse.” Part of the way he goes about doing this is by taking the reader through forensics of arguments to detail where things go awry. It’s like a coach studying game film, only the film is one more dispute in a relationship full of pain.
Review: Tocchini provides excellent guidance on how to really listen to your spouse and seek out the underlying longing that is hidden in a complaint. Much of the book revolves around altering harmful patterns of interaction and finding resolution to conflict so deep, that it leads to places couples are resistant to go. But you have to work through the crud to find deeper intimacy on the other side.
My friend once compared conflict resolution to throwing up. You’re going to feel really sick until what is hurting comes out into the open. But if couples can learn to understand where the other is coming from and meet needs in the other that have long gone unmet, they might just find a newer, deeper and better relationship than they had before. Learning new ways of relating can be awkward and painful. What can be more painful, though, is finding yourself growing further and further apart from the one you once deeply loved and maybe still do.
This book is not going to solve all your marital problems, but offers some tools to add to your kit and may provide insights as to how to breathe life into a dead marriage or prevent a healthy marriage from losing its vigor. Some people don’t even realize how much their marriage could improve. The book is a reminder that our assumptions about others aren’t always accurate. It will also attack tendencies to bring a consumeristic mentality into marriage. After all, it is not about me. It is about us.
Summary: According to the Bible, He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22). If you have been blessed with a spouse, please do everything in your power and get whatever coaching or counseling you need in order to keep that relationship strong. May you rejoice in the wife of your youth (Proverbs 5:18). Enjoy and treasure her. She is your reward for all your hard labor. Don’t live a life of regrets. Don’t realize what you had after it is too late.
Rating: 4/5 (Insightful book on patterns of relating.)
“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun— all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 9:9
This book was provided for review by David C. Cook through B&B Media Group. To learn more about or purchase this book on Amazon, click here.
