Making Sense of Video Games

December 8, 2010 | By | 1 Comment

Due to some medical issues, I’ve been pretty much out of commission.  It has, however, given me time to get reacquainted with the video game industry after not owning a system since the Sega Genesis.  So far, it has been a very challenging experience.

For one, these games are way too complicated.  There are like 16 buttons.  Can’t we go back to the Genesis control system of “A”, “B” and “C”?  That was really nice.  Even Nintendo was messed up back then.  They had “B” before “A” on their controller. Did that make any sense? No. At least not to me. What were they trying to do? Carve out a niche for dyslexics?

Now, my controller has symbols that I’m supposed to press.  Let’s say, for example, that I’m playing Madden Football. Before, I would press “A” to throw to the receiver on the left. Now, I press something like the square button and have to look down at my controller to make sure I’m not pressing circle by accident. What’s next? Chinese symbols with a decoder ring for each button?

Secondly, after spending some time at Gamespot, I learned that there is a Sonic game that either came out or is coming out exclusively for Nintendo’s Wii. What the heck? If you would have told me 15 years ago that Sega was going to make a Sonic game for Nintendo, it would have been like saying McDonalds was going to start selling Whoppers.

Next, why are these games so strange? The titles are weird. The characters are weird. The storylines are bizarre. I wonder if there is a secret point system for coming up with the strangest stuff possible. This is some real odd stuff. Also, some of these titles really confuse me. For example, how can it be the final fantasy if there are 13 of them? Liars!

Next, why are the games so bloody? I thought things like players convulsing on the ice in NHL 95 or that sick bone crunch sound in Madden 96 were a bit raunchy. Today’s stuff is out of control. I did a search for the 25 best Playstation 3 games and about half of them were Johnny Shooterman-in-the-face games.  Special props goes to the non-violent game “Flower” which the guy on the site reviewed using these words:

I was immediately moved by the simple purity of Flower. Within minutes of starting the first level, the pristine visuals and ethereal sound design brought tears to my eyes. Watching the many flower petals excitedly waltz through the air was a breathtaking sight and one that I won’t soon forget.

I have to admit, this review seemed a bit over the top in the other direction. In order to feel manly again, I tried playing a teen rated Johnny Shooterman game (about all I can stomach). At first I was a little uncomfortable with the head shots to the pirates. I tried to rationalize it by calling them the bad guys.  But we were all going for the same treasure, which sort of made me a pirate too.  Finally, I came up with a reasonable solution. I figured it was just like Duck Hunt. The only difference is that you’re just shooting people instead of clay disks.

So, I guess I’m a little behind in all this stuff. I’ll figure out where the triangle button is eventually. In the meantime, don’t shoot me.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Category: Gallery, Musings

Comments (1)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Chad H says:

    This is a gripping ‘fish out of water’ story in which a young man fails to come to grips with his obsolescence in the 21st century video game age that has long since trampled over the simple joys of his youth. Highly recommended reading!

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: